5.28.2010
Day 3: Flowers? I dont think so.
Thus, I was confronted with New Thing Number Three: How do you tell a weed from a plant? You would think this would be easy to do...the plants are the pretty ones and the weeds are the little sprouts of pathetic green stuff growing around them, right? Wrong. You have never been more wrong.
These weeds were freaking monsters. They had stems about three inches thick and two feet long, and had roots that went six feet into the ground. They were hulking, huge, monstrous and fought back tooth and nail every step of the way. And, yes, they had teeth and nails.
How do you garden a plot of land that is more weedy than flowers? You grab a hunk and pull, hoping and praying that what you are pulling is not an iris.
5.27.2010
Day 2: Toxic Paint Fumes
My dad also never trusted me enough with a spray can to let me help him, which, I cannot say I blame him for. However, today's new thing: Spray Painting. (aka inhaling toxic paint fumes.)
5.26.2010
Day 1:Yoga
So I did.
New Thing of Day 1: Yoga
Basically, to be quite honest, I've done yoga before. But not in a long time. And not in the morning. And not with my cat, helping...actually, not really helping. The "new" part is that I'm going to TRY to do it every morning. We'll see how that goes. I just found a class on YouTube (which is a website that I love, quite honestly). Here is the link, in case you're inspired and want to check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xctBhj7TVc
I was sititng in some pose that is called something I cannot pronounce, but I think of it as the "indian style pose" or the "criss cross applesauce pose", because that's all it is. I was sitting on my nice new green yoga mat, with my legs crossed and my hands resting on my knees, breathing deeply, listining to the fan that was spinning madly in the ridiculously hot air, and trying not to think about how stupid I sounded saying "Om."
(I thought about just skipping it, I mean really...who would know? but if you're going to do something, I figure you'd better do it all the way)
And then my cat, George, pictured here with my new green yoga mat and flip flops:
98 Days, 100 Posts: Day 1
Oh my gosh.
I am NOT a doing nothing person. I need stuff to do. And while I am working (at a bed and breakfast, no less) I dont have NEARLY enough hours to keep me occupied. I think that I'm going to go crazy.
So...I've decided to revamp my old blog (which used to be called "Don't we all want to change the world?") and turn it into this.
Then I counted all the days from now until the end of August, which, yes, did involve a calendar and a calculator, and the total came to 98. So I decided to do 98 blog posts, one for each day. What the heck is with the 100 then, you might ask? Good question. I'm an even number person...kind of OCD, so I decided that somewhere along the line i'll squeeze in an extra post or two...maybe more. Who knows?
Either way. 98 days. 100 posts (at least). And...here's the hard part. But hopefully it will cure my summer boredom. Hard Part: Through the course of blogging, I have to do one new thing every day. And write about it. At least it will keep me occupied.
Either way, today will have another post, highlighting what my "new thing" for today, Day 1, was, and just about the day in general.
So there goes one of the extra posts I needed.
Days Left: 97. Posts Left: 99
4.15.2010
LUNCHTIME!!!
By Meredith Perrin
Gretchen found her liberation at lunchtime. She put her feet up on her desk, pulled Tracy Chevalier’s newest novel out of her bag along with her lunch and watched through the slit window in her door as her co-workers scrambled around the office while she ate food and read.
She had volunteered to stay behind in the office during the “normal” lunch hours to man the phones and take her break when everyone else came back. She hadn’t minded the idea when her boss approached them at the last office meeting; she never took quite as much pleasure in sitting in one of the four restaurants on the tiny main street and gossiping as everyone else.
The first time she had brought her food and eaten at her desk instead of going out with her coworkers she felt awkward, like she was drawing a line between herself and them, but now she relished in that line. She relished in the fact that she was eating proper portions of the right number of whole grains and fresh fruits while they laughed over the appetizer special at Applebee’s and had no idea that it bloated them with more salt in one snack than they should eat in two days. She relished in the fact that while they talked about how Melinda from the Mail Room wasn’t sure the baby she was expecting was her husband’s she read through the New York Times bestsellers.
***
At the end of her hour Gretchen placed her feet back into the heels that she had slipped off under her desk, put her book back into her bag and walked to the kitchen to rinse out her dishes and get a cup of coffee.
“Hey Gretch.” Judy said as she walked into the room while Gretchen was rinsing out her bowl.
“Hey Judy, how was lunch?” Gretchen replied without looking up from the sink.
“Oh it was great. Best dessert special they’ve had in forever. Hot apple pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. You should try it. We could bring you back one tomorrow if you want. Beth-Ann and I split it, but man….I’m going to be paying for this for a week. ” Judy chuckled and patted her full stomach as she spooned sugar and cream into her coffee.
“Sounds good,” Gretchen replied, “but I’m not much of a dessert person.”
“Oh come on”, Judy said, “you cant tell me you’re not at least tempted.”
Gretchen shook her head. “Sorry, I’m just boring.” she lied.
Judy sighed and leaned back against the counter. Gretchen frowned. After taking a whole hour off for lunch, you would think that when they got back from their break people would actually take time to do their work. It had been the same way at her old office. After transferring to Seattle last month she had hoped working at the corporate office would mean that people were more focused on getting work done. Instead they just got paid more because they faxed insurance copies to more important people.
“So how’s your daughter doing?” Judy asked, interrupting Gretchen’s musings. “Did she make the cheerleading team?”
“Hmmm?” Gretchen was confused for a moment at Judy’s question and then remembered what she had told her on Friday, “Oh, that’s right. No…no she didn’t end up making it.”
“That’s too bad.” Judy said.
“She’s not that upset.” Gretchen replied, “it would have taken so much time away from her schoolwork, anyways. I don’t know how she would have done it all.”
Judy nodded.
“I know what you mean,” she said. “When Karen was in high school I felt like I was either picking her up from volleyball practice, dropping her off at practice or watching one of her games. Not that I minded, of course, but…well, you know what I’m talking about.” She laughed.
Gretchen nodded, her fingers fumbling with the cap of the skim milk she had taken out of the fridge. She hastily added a little to her black coffee and made an excuse to go back to her office.
***
Gretchen plugged her MacBook into the power cord and sat back on her new leather couch with the remainder of the bottle of wine she had received as a housewarming gift from her previous job in a glass. She had splurged on the new furniture after her cat spilled a cup of coffee on her old corduroy sofa a few days before moving, figuring that one of the benefits of not having a husband was getting to pick out the furniture you wanted instead of the furniture with the best recliner included in the set.
A crash from the kitchen made her jump.
“Julie, what are you doing in there?” Gretchen called out, setting her tea on the mahogany table and walking into the other room.
She flicked on the light. “Where are you?” she asked.
A small yellow cat looked up at her from the floor next to a container of almonds that she had knocked off the counter.
Gretchen righted the container and picked the cat up. “Julie, you are the most troublesome cat I have ever had.”
Dropping Julie on the couch next to her and picking up her laptop, Gretchen stretched her feet out, took a sip of her wine and typed “teenage girl with brown hair and blue eyes” into Google Images search and browsed through the pictures until she found the MySpace account of a girl who looked like she was picturing.
She was medium height, on the skinnier side, with short brown hair that was chopped off at her shoulders and a smile that made her eyes stand out. She was gathered by a group of friends outside a movie theatre. Gretchen stared at the picture before printing it out and slipping it into the picture frame she had bought after work at Wal-Mart.
She put it into her purse so she wouldn’t forget to bring it to the office the next day, and then went into the kitchen to put her wineglass in the sink before heading up to bed.
On the way back past her bag before walking up the stairs, she pulled the frame out again and ran her thumb along the edge of the girl’s face.
“What do you think, Julie?” She asked the cat who was brushing up against her legs. “Do you think she looks like an Abby?”
The cat looked blankly at her.
“I agree. She looks like an Abby. Abigail is such a formal name, but Abby fits her just fine.”
***
Gretchen couldn‘t say when she had adjusted to office life. Somewhere after her senior year in college the summer job she had taken to give her something to do before joining the Peace Corps had turned into her life, draining away 30 years before she even knew that they had disappeared. She had worked there up until last month when they offered her better pay here in Seattle.
Her father had died that summer, and his passing destroyed her mother and her future in one fell swoop, even though she didn’t know it at the time.
While her friends took off in the plane headed for rural Indonesia to build schools she had stood in a cemetery next to her mother, wearing the obligatory black dress with shoes that looked nice enough for calling hours but had heels that didn’t sink into the wet ground around the grave.
At that point in time, she had still wanted to change the world.
“Everyone takes their jobs so seriously!” she had complained to her friends when they called her collect from halfway across the world. Her friends spent the long days stacking bricks on top of each other and hammering boards together, work as tedious and mindless as filing papers and faxing insurance certificates, which was what Gretchen was spending her time doing now. Their work, however, offered a slightly better end result.
Gretchen’s felt her purpose in life at that point had still been focused towards doing something that would improve the lives of people everywhere, that would give little kids drinking water and a chance at an education. Living at home for another year was just a minor setback, a chance to earn some extra money while she stared at the plane ticket taped to the bathroom mirror next to pictures from graduation and bought clothes that would last in places where you wore the same thing for two weeks straight and no one looked at you strangely.
That had been her plan thirty years ago.
***
At work the next day, the picture in the frame appeared on Gretchen’s previously bare desk, sitting next to her inbox where her co-workers were sure not to miss it.
Beth-Ann stopped in her office five minutes later.
“Hey Gretchen, I was just checking to see if that fax came in last night after I left.” she said, leaning against the doorway of the office.
“Oh yeah, it did. One sec.” Gretchen dug around in her bag, her eyes following Beth-Ann’s gaze as they rested on the picture frame that hadn’t been there yesterday.
“Is this your daughter?” Beth-Ann asked, pointing.
“Yeah, that’s Abby.” Gretchen replied, pulling out the fax and sliding it across her desk towards Beth-Ann.
“She looks so much like you! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of her before, you know.” Beth-Ann said, taking the insurance form.
“Yeah, I just got them unpacked yesterday.” Gretchen replied.
“She is a pretty one,” Beth-Ann chuckled. “You’re gonna have to keep an eye on her when she gets to high school. But, you two really do look a lot alike. There must be none of your husband in her at all.”
“No, she takes more after me than him.” Gretchen said dryly.
“What does your husband do again? Actually, I don’t think I ever asked you.” Beth-Ann added as an afterthought.
“Oh, ummm…he’s in construction. A manager for a firm in the city.” Gretchen replied.
Beth-Ann had opened her mouth to ask something else when miraculously, the phone rang at her desk.
“Hold that thought.” Beth-Ann said as she ran out the door.
As soon as she left Gretchen picked up her own phone and held it to her ear while she checked her e-mail, so that if Beth-Ann remembered her question after finishing her call it would look like Gretchen was on hold with someone.
“My husband is in construction. Of course he is. What else would he be doing?” Gretchen muttered in her head.
A daughter who didn’t make the cheerleading team. A husband who was a construction manager. A cat knocking a roll of paper towels off the shelf the only noise in the house besides her own breathing. This was her life now. She couldn’t say when she had adjusted to it, but here it was, just the same.
***
That night, after finishing the last of the Elizabeth Kostova novel on the couch downstairs, Gretchen stood in the bathroom taking her makeup off before bed. As she ran the washcloth under her eyelids, practically pulling the skin back away from her face in an attempt to get every trace of mascara off, she let her gaze rest on the plane ticket she had taped to the corner of the mirror. She told herself when she moved she would put it away, pack it up, throw it out, paste it into a scrapbook or something, but here it was. On her mirror.
Her friends from high school still called every now and then. They had each moved onto their own lives after the Peace Corps. One was married with twin girls who both had children of their own, another was divorced twice, with a son from the first marriage and half-a million from the second, and another was already expecting her ninth grandchild. None of them had stayed in Indonesia forever, they had all come back to the states after a year or two of service.
About a month after her best friend had gotten back, about thirty or so years ago, Gretchen had met her for coffee at a chic little cafĂ© in the city where they had talked for hours about Indonesia, the children and the schools that her friend had helped build, Gretchen hearing about her dream through someone else’s reality.
“I’m still planning on going, of course.” Gretchen had told her, sipping at the skinny latte while she talked. “Mom’s just in such a rough state right now…I couldn’t leave her yet. In a couple years she’s going to move in with her sister in Maine. I’ve got the application for a two year commitment saved on my computer, I just hope that I can get into the program still.”
That file was probably still on her mom’s old desktop, Gretchen thought, staring back and forth between the plane ticket and her reflection, one eye covered in mascara and the other red from cleaning. She reached her hand towards the plane ticket, but then stopped and dropped it to the counter to pick up the washcloth and finish washing the makeup off the other side of her face. She needed to get to bed if she wanted to be awake at work the next day.
***
It was her lunch hour again. Gretchen pulled a new book out of her bag along with a salad and swiveled in her chair so she could put her feet up on her desk. She cringed when she saw a run up the back of her stockings.
“Thank God it doesn’t show below my skirt.”, she thought, opening the Tupperware container along with her book and settling back to enjoy her break. Her foot brushed against the picture frame of the girl from MySpace, knocking it over. Gretchen stretched to put it back in place.
“She really does kind of look like me.” Gretchen thought, “We’ve got the same jaw line. I wonder how old she is?” She stared at the picture for awhile and then lowered her gaze to her book and dug her fork into a piece of tomato.
When she had been working at the first office for a little less than a year, back after college graduation, Gretchen had gotten up from her mother’s kitchen table one morning to rinse out her oatmeal bowl, finishing her rant on how corrupt working at the office was and how she couldn’t wait to leave and join her friends and “change the world.”
Her mother had looked at her from across the kitchen table and said “Gretchen, while changing the world is a wonderful thing to do, sometimes simply surviving in it is enough.”
That was what Gretchen was doing now. She was sitting in her swivel chair watching her boss and co-workers pass by the door, eating celery and musing about the history of the girl on her desk. She was surviving.
3.01.2010
Creative Writing and Colored Pencils
Next we had to draw one "prop" the person was never without. Lastly we had to draw the "craziest day of that persons life." I know, wierd right?
Best part: Then we had to switch drawings with someone and write a story based on their drawings. Aqui esta:
Caleb sat in front of the glass aquarium that had once been full of water and angel fish that had been interesting to watch swim back and forth. Their tails had made interesting shapes in the water. Now it held a gecko who sat on a plastic rock under a heating lamp all day and warmed himself.
Caleb tapped on the glass, trying to get the lizard to move, but his stepfathers pet just opened one eye and then closed it again. His eyes were dark brown, almost black, and even when they were open weren’t very interesting to look at, so Caleb sat back and watched the cartoons on TV instead. When he heard the boots stomp up the front steps and the key click the lock open he turned it off and looked at the gecko again, his eyes avoiding the hallway where he knew Ron would walk by.
Caleb didn’t like boots. He liked dress shoes. He wore them everyday, along with jeans and a striped shirt. The boots stomped up the steps, dragged through the hallway and then eventually thudded quietly as Ron sat in his recliner and turned the T.V. on to watch pro wrestling while he kicked off his shoes.
Caleb didn’t like Ron. He didn’t like the sound of his boots or the smell of his shaving cream or the way he brushed his hair. He hated the way he never burped at meals and his habit of eating two mints every day after dinner.
“How was school today Caleb?” Ron asked. Caleb shrugged, staring at the gecko. “Have you come up with a name for him yet?” Ron tried speaking again, “Remember you can name him anything you want.”
Caleb shook his head. “No” he said. He didn’t want to name the lizard.
That was all they spoke until Caleb’s mother and Ron’s wife got home from work. Her heels clicked on the linoleum of the hallway and the plastic shopping bags crinkled in her arms as she first went to set the bags down on the kitchen floor and then came in and bent down to kiss Caleb and then her husband.
Caleb liked his mother. He liked the way her hair was always pulled back away from her face with the gold barrette he had picked out for her, liked the way her skirts matched her shoes, liked the way her breath always smelled like apple cinnamon tea. He didn’t like the new perfume she wore, though. Ron had picked it out for her and it smelled like a flower.
She used to wear perfume on her wrists that was called “summer day.” Caleb didn’t think it smelled like summer, he didn’t think that summer had a smell at all, but he had liked it better than this new stuff.
His mother sat on the edge of the couch between him and Ron for a few minutes and then stood up and walked into the kitchen to make dinner.
“Want some help, dear?” Ron asked, and stood up from the recliner. He always asked this, and Caleb’s mother always said “No thanks, honey.” Ron then would move his shoes from the chair into the mudroom off the entrance and then sit go into the kitchen and pull the chair away from the table. It made a weird sliding noise against the linoleum as he sat down.
Caleb stayed in the living room and watched cartoons and the gecko. The lizard smelled like a turtle. Caleb didn’t like turtles.
For dinner Ron and Caleb’s mother had chicken parmesan with wheat spaghetti and red chardonnay wine. Caleb had white macaroni noodles with mozzarella cheese sauce, mashed cauliflower and milk. Ever since he turned seven he had refused to eat anything that wasn’t white. For awhile he wouldn’t even eat around foods that were other colors. The first time she had bought corn on the cob to make for herself for dinner Caleb had thrown it off her plate and across the room. Sometimes Caleb’s mother wished that he had picked some other color, because food could always be dyed. It was nearly impossible to get all white food, and bleaching stuff added way too many chemicals and took out way too many vitamins. At least Caleb wasn’t picky, so he would usually eat what she gave him as long as it didn’t have any color to it.
The only white thing that Caleb had ever outright refused were Ron’s mints, but Caleb’s mother figured that one can’t be too picky. You take what you can get.
Creative Writing Story 2
Anyways, here is the second story I had to write. Our goal with this story was to encorperate the idiosynchratic detail (see a couple posts ago) along with scene and summary. What is the difference between the two, you might ask? Glad you did.
Scene is SPECIFIC. A specific thing happening to a specific character at a specific time in a specific place...you get the idea. Summary is like the backstory. Which is better? Neither. Both. Whichever way you want to look at it. Both are effective, and both add to the story. Enjoy!
Here it is:
Gretchen found her liberation at lunchtime. She put her feet up on her desk, pulled Elizabeth Kostova’s newest novel out of her bag along with her lunch and watched through the slit window in her door as her coworkers scrambled around the office while she ate food and read.
The first time she had chosen to bring her food and eat at her desk instead of going out with the rest of her coworkers she had felt awkward, like she was drawing a line between herself and them, but now she relished in that line. She relished in the fact that she was eating proper portions of the right number of whole grains and fresh fruits while they laughed over the appetizer special at Applebee’s and had no idea that it bloated them with more salt in one pre-meal snack than they should eat in two days. She relished in the fact that while they gossiped she read best-sellers.
She couldn‘t say when she had adjusted to office life. Somewhere after her senior year in college the summer job that had meant to give her something to do before joining the peace core had turned into her life, draining away 30 years before she even knew that they had disappeared.
Her father had died that summer, and his passing had destroyed her mother and her future in one fell swoop. At the same time her friends took off in the plane headed for rural Indonesia to build schools she had stood in a cemetery next to her mother, wearing the obligatory black dress with shoes that looked nice enough for calling hours but had heels that didn’t sink into the moistened ground around the grave.
At that point in time, she had still wanted to change the world. Her enthusiasm for life still was focused on doing something that would improve the lives of people everywhere, that would give little kids drinking water and a chance at an education. Living at home for another year was just a minor setback, a chance to earn some extra money while she stared at the plane ticket taped to the bathroom mirror next to pictures from graduation and bought clothes that would last in places where you wore the same thing for two weeks straight and no one looked at you strangely.
Then one day Gretchen got up from her mother’s kitchen table to rinse out her oatmeal bowl and head to work, finishing her rant on how corrupt the office was and how she couldn’t wait to “change the world” when her mother told her that while changing the world was a wonderful thing to do, sometimes simply surviving in it was enough.
That was what she was doing now, sitting in her swivel chair watching her boss and other workers pass by the door. She was surviving.
After that day her enthusiasm for life became focused on smaller and smaller things. First it was on her husband and her wedding, then on her pregnancy and then on her kids. Now it was on her lunch.
Purple Oatmeal
2.26.2010
A Love Affair


2.11.2010
I remember hearing about how even though he lost the better use of his left leg to polio when he was nine years old, my father’s uncle Al would walk up what was now known as the neighborhood’s best sledding hill on his hands to visit his grandparents who lived at the top. So that he wouldn’t feel bad about not being able to walk properly, his 7 brothers walked on their hands as well whenever they were with him. They would walk along the lake-road and into town without using their legs, or at least walk as far as it took for someone to stop and offer them a ride.
I remember how my sisters and I would sit at the plastic dining room table and spoon canned corn out the door while the raccoons crowded around it and Sylvia, my uncle’s girlfriend, fed us lemonade Capri-Sun’s and Reece’s Peanut Butter cups while we laughed at the raccoons licking the corn off the cement steps and at the thirty five pound cat who slept on the armchair because she was too fat to walk.
I remember hearing stories about how he always brought the most beautiful women to the family Christmas parties at the Fire Hall. He wasn’t tall, had a bad leg, walked with a limp and with a cane in his 20‘s, and worked as a Volkswagen repairman in his shop on the town pier. My aunt said she never understood how he got these women to go out with him, who she swore all looked like Vogue models.
I remember how we would always trick or treat at his house on Halloween. We were his only trick-or-treaters, yet he would still have a plastic orange bowl full of pretzels, Hershey’s chocolate bars and lollipop’s with white sugar skull’s printed on them. He would always bark at us to take more, while my mom stood in the doorway and chastised us for being so greedy and my dad ate all the Hershey bars.
I remember him telling me as he lay in his bed and I stood in the doorway because his room was too small for another person to stand in that having cancer was the best diet he had ever been on. “I’ve lost about 20 pounds in two months!” he would say, holding out his arm to show us how skinny he was. Then he would tell us how his doctors were allowing him to drink wine, and then gesture to his dresser top where five bottles of it sat next to a basket of socks. “I never was a drinking man,” he said, “but now I don’t mind it so much. They tell me I should drink about half a glass a day, so I do. One in the morning and one at night.”
I remember hearing that when he repaired VW bug’s in his shop on the pier, he would listen to classical music, and he would have visitors or customers tell him about whatever they knew, whether it be a dissertation on Bach or a rant about the Zebra muscle problem in the lake.
I remember knowing that he knew he was going to die the day he gave my 8 year old sister a 1980’s model of VW beetle with doors that opened and a steering wheel that made the wheels move. I remember knowing that my dad knew it too, because he didn’t eat dinner that night.
11.29.2009
check out this song: How the Day Sounds by Greg Laswell. It's interesting.
Who would've ever known it could be this easy
Oh, I was a long, long way off
And just like that it's over
Everything that I knew of love
I was a long, long way off
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
Thank you for opening the window
The sky is clear as my mind is now
I was a long, long way off
Join me in welcoming the sun in
It's much brighter than the night I hid in
I was a long, long way off
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
From a long way down
Yeah, it's well worth the time that it's taken to get here now
Yeah, it's well worth the time that it's taken to get here now
So go ahead and bang a gong
Nothing can drown out the sound of the whisper of my love
And I think I like how the day sounds through this new song
And the lines have all been drawn
I know where I belong, where I belong
Oh, won't you sing along?
Oh my love, won't you sing along?
Post Thanksgiving Resolutions
My resolution is to write more blog entries.
This is for you, my faithful few readers.
11.19.2009
Story for Allison
kittens
slime
burnt popcorn
ukulele
flavored water
wild turkey
a tractor driving along the road causing road rage
And I made her a story:
Once upon a time, a wild turkey was driving a tractor along the edge of the road. His name was Peter Basket, and he was on the way to water his corn farm. While driving, he wasn’t watching where he was going, and kept swerving into oncoming traffic, causing beeping and road rage. When he finally got to his farm, he had a brilliant idea. He would water his corn with flavored water, and make the corn grow in different flavors. He tried raspberry water first, and when his crops grew, he picked them and sold them to the family of kittens that lived down the road. They decided to make popcorn out of the raspberry corn he sold them, and while it was cooking, they played with the slime they had bought at the dollar store earlier that day while they listened to their new cd, filled with ukulele music. They got so caught up in listening and playing that they forgot all about their popcorn, that is, until they smelled it burning.
They ran into the kitchen and pulled the popcorn out of the fire (they didn’t have a microwave) and then hesitantly tried it to see if it was okay. It was, thankfully. Only the kernels on the bottom had burnt. Then they ate it. The end. (oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, the popcorn was raspberry flavored.)
11.09.2009
11.04.2009
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN RELIGOUS REVELATIONS AND MAY SCARE YOU
I have always had a lot of trust issues when it comes to religion. In general, in life, tend to be a little, um...controlling? is that the right word? Basically I just always want to make sure that things turn out okay. I love taking care of other people, and having people depend on me and all that jazz. But when it comes to relying on others....I think that is one of my weakest points. ( I know guys, im gonna get deep here).
Not that I dont trust people. I do. Really. I would trust a lot of people I know with my life. Anyways, I'm getting off topic here. I've always had that same sort of relationship with God...and it's never really worked for me. In my own life I've seen too many people get hurt by uncontrollable forces...Im not going to get into detail, but suffice it to say, it happened. I always have found it hard to believe that God would allow that. How could I trust someone with my own life who I believed had let down so many people I know, and even myself at some point. Gradually, over the years, I've, excuse me here....God has allowed me to overcome that, and has helped me see through that, see the positive from the negative. I know we don't always know his plans or how they will turn out. Then something happens again. It always does. Things will ALWAYS continue to happen. Things will sometimes turn out bad. Each time my trust falters a little bit, and each time my view of God changes a bit. I have lately begun to believe that if I was truly searching for the truth about religion, I would be okay. How could I be condemned for trying to know what the truth was? As a result of this, I was never able to grasp hold of what I really believed. I would change it according to what I needed it to be at the time.
Seeing a lot of "I's" mentioned here? Me too. Turns out, thats not the way it's supposed to go.We are imperfect.
Why would I trust in myself? I mess up all the time! That right there is putting my faith in something unstable that WILL NOT support me. Why would I want to put faith in MYSELF when there is someone else out there to put it into? So, today, after my class was cancelled, I was walking along the street outside, confused and thinking about all of this. ( The main thought running through my head was"how on earth am I supposed to trust?") when a verse popped into my head that I had read on a friend's facebook earlier. " BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
So I was. Still. I just stopped thinking. I realized that I know what the truth is. God is there. He keeps pushing me towards him, always. I can never escape, and I don't want to. I may have to battle though things in dealing with it, but I KNOW what is true.
That is all.
9.26.2009
Randomness
It is absolutely hysterical.
9.21.2009
Top 10 Reasons Why College is Fun
2. Because as I type this, I can yell to my roommate, who is sitting on the couch "how do you spell excercise?"
3. Because there is a two story bookstore on Main Street.
4. Because you can get out of the shower and find your 2 roommates making webcam video's and posting them on the third roommate's facebook page to take over her wall... hahaha...
5. Because when the room on the third floor in the building across from yours shines their green laser light in your windows, you and your roommate take turns turning on and off the lights in all three rooms of the suite, and the people with the laser will try to follow the lights...which is awesome. This will go on for about 5 minutes.
6. Because you can stay up till about 2 in the morning laughing about a very unusual story with people on your floor, and no one thinks its wierd.
7. Because one of my roommates brought a care bear stuffed animal, and upon finding out that another one of the roommates is freaked out by it, has fun hiding it in random places for her to find. And we all help her. Right now it's hanging by a coat hanger in her closet.
8. Because you hear your roommate say "im really going to do my homework now" and then hear the music from farmville coming from her computer.
9. Because you CAN do laundry at one in the morning.
10. Because when you and your suitemates decide to enter a scavenger hunt for your building, one of you decides that they're going to take down as many signs advertising the hunt as they can, thus ensuring we are the only team. Thus ensuring we win. There are about 5 signs now hanging in our room...because she's been taking them off the walls in the hallway all day.
11. It just is.
9.18.2009
Burnt Popcorn Story

I got popcorn from the dollar general that is conviently located just outside of town.
I meant to grab "light butter" but instead grabbed 'double butter'.
Don't ask me how I managed to get those two mixed up, but I did somehow. I should have realized that something was going to go wrong after that point, but no.
I procedded to go back to my dorm room.
I didn't make popcorn until the next day.
Then, after a nice long run at the gym, and all happy from the effects of excersize, I decided to see if my extra butter popcorn waws really horrible or not.
I put it in our SUPER old microwave (like you have to turn a dial to pick the time and then it dings when it's done.)
And then opened it later. And all i could smell was burnt popcorn. It was smoking. And this was before I even opened the bag. Yeah....my roommate brought out her fan and blew all the smoke out the window, and then I proceeded to bring the bag into the trash room down the hall. Nevertheless, the whole room (and surrounding hall) now smells of burnt pocorn. Three days later. My roommates are really pleased with me.
Anyhow, cute boy now makes his enterance.
He appeared at the door of the suite and was like "does it smell like...." and at the same time I said "burnt popcorn?" he said "hot dogs?"
and I must of looked really confused and was like "No........." and we both started laughing and he was like "yeah...that's the smell. you know that now it's going to smell in here for days, right?"
and I said "yeah, I know."
Exit Cute boy.
Funny Incident
2. This is a list of random events that i have yet to talk about.
3. and i'm bored so I think I will.
4. okay. So. did you know that burnt popcorn attracts cute guys? Well- it does!!
5. Did you also know that losing your debit card is NOT a good plan. You probably did. Most people do.
6. Fortunately, the cool coffee shop on Main Steet takes checks. Even when its only for 3 dollars and 21 cents.
7. Coffee is essential to life.
8. Essential
9. Kasstyna met a british guy at college. I want to meet a British guy here. Sadly, burnt popcorn guy was not british. And still isnt. I probably should have said "is"
10. I can't think of things to talk about.
11. Im going to the movie's this weekend.
12. No idea what I'm seeing, but as long as there is Movie Theatre popcorn, it should be good.
13. Do i spell theatre wierd?
14. I don't think I do.
15. Bye!



