WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN RELIGOUS REVELATIONS AND MAY SCARE YOU

So...im just going to rant and yell and stuff for a while, basically stream of conciousness stuff. This stuff is personal, and related to God and religion and belief and my own issues, and I really don't mind if you read it but if you would rather not, thats cool too.
I have always had a lot of trust issues when it comes to religion. In general, in life, tend to be a little, um...controlling? is that the right word? Basically I just always want to make sure that things turn out okay. I love taking care of other people, and having people depend on me and all that jazz. But when it comes to relying on others....I think that is one of my weakest points. ( I know guys, im gonna get deep here).
Not that I dont trust people. I do. Really. I would trust a lot of people I know with my life. Anyways, I'm getting off topic here. I've always had that same sort of relationship with God...and it's never really worked for me. In my own life I've seen too many people get hurt by uncontrollable forces...Im not going to get into detail, but suffice it to say, it happened. I always have found it hard to believe that God would allow that. How could I trust someone with my own life who I believed had let down so many people I know, and even myself at some point. Gradually, over the years, I've, excuse me here....God has allowed me to overcome that, and has helped me see through that, see the positive from the negative. I know we don't always know his plans or how they will turn out. Then something happens again. It always does. Things will ALWAYS continue to happen. Things will sometimes turn out bad. Each time my trust falters a little bit, and each time my view of God changes a bit. I have lately begun to believe that if I was truly searching for the truth about religion, I would be okay. How could I be condemned for trying to know what the truth was? As a result of this, I was never able to grasp hold of what I really believed. I would change it according to what I needed it to be at the time.
Seeing a lot of "I's" mentioned here? Me too. Turns out, thats not the way it's supposed to go.We are imperfect.
Why would I trust in myself? I mess up all the time! That right there is putting my faith in something unstable that WILL NOT support me. Why would I want to put faith in MYSELF when there is someone else out there to put it into? So, today, after my class was cancelled, I was walking along the street outside, confused and thinking about all of this. ( The main thought running through my head was"how on earth am I supposed to trust?") when a verse popped into my head that I had read on a friend's facebook earlier. " BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
So I was. Still. I just stopped thinking. I realized that I know what the truth is. God is there. He keeps pushing me towards him, always. I can never escape, and I don't want to. I may have to battle though things in dealing with it, but I KNOW what is true.
That is all.